The boy loves the girl and the girl loves the boy. The end. The boy doesn’t love the girl anymore and the girl doesn’t love the boy anymore. The end. In this seemingly simple love story that begins and ends with simple narrative of feelings, lies a phantom of thinly wired, complex web like structure that swallows the feeling of “love” and turns it into “doesn’t love”. This backward progression is a phenomenon that is witnessed in relationships when the partners are together and far.
Poisonous treads of the web are constantly at work, oozing venom at slightest opportunity. Even the most enduring couples may fall prey to it. Albeit the path to “doesn’t love” is easier to reach than the way to “intense love” or “passionate love” just as it is easier to destroy than construct. An embittered fight goes on till the partners or one of the partners decides to let go. The phrase “I love you” has been equated with most mundane of all things with the least realization that it commands an equal amount of dedication and intensity employed in earning a living.
There are numerous circumstances when a relationship goes for a toss but “love” is crucified because of negligence of certain key aspects of a relationship. They are –
Expectation – the lesson that we often hear from saints and moral advocates is to love without expecting. They propagate to fulfil our duties and sooner or later the other person will realise. Absolutely amazing thought but ranks low in practicality and applicability. Besides, how do we deal with a partner that starts taking advantage of selfless love? Definition of love should change with changing times. Expecting the other partner to reciprocate or ensuing responses shows the warmth of the relationships, keeps the charm alive, and makes both the partners feel loved and cared. One sided expression, with very less or negative reciprocation lead to provocation of such thoughts as unwanted, uncared, unloved, needy, etc. An individual may approach a partner umpteen times but at one point, the poisonous thread will break spreading venom, reminding one of the uncaring, unthankful, undesirous attitudes of the partner thereby sowing the seed of “dosen’t love me.”
Reciprocation – it is acknowledgement that keeps the flowers blooming. Validation both in words and deeds help to strengthen the relationship. Reciprocation is just not about saying “I love you” back but returning a glance, an act of help, a kind word of appreciation and gratitude, and an act that says “I miss” and “I care.” It works as the cementing force and restores faith in the love of the partner. Strengthening of the bond, in return, weakens the venomous feelings of “doesn’t love me.”
Prioritising – most deadly of all the factors, it kills the relationship, sometimes paves way for a third person. It can be ruining, metaphorically. Taking their partners for granted is the most common mistake that individuals make. Soon they start equating the existence of their partners with that piece of furniture placed in an appropriate position to provide comfort. They mistake their partners for apparatuses that produce comfort and pleasure. They forget that their partners are human being with air in their lungs, blood in their veins, and feelings in their heart. It is of utmost importance to provide respectable position to one’s partner to save the relationship.
Game of love is the most complex of all games. Unlike other sport, it does not prescribe a definite set of rules to be followed by both the parties to save from disqualification. Beauty of this game lies in its complexity; the turns and twists of human emotions. Saying “I love you” and “I love you too” is just the opening stroke. It demands meticulously crafted and planned field setting to avoid hurts and psychological bruises that nibbles slowly at an apparently healthy relationship.