Au Revoir

I can’t let go. It hurts! There is so much more to share. But he is not around. He’s gone. Did he once think about me? Oh, God! I didn’t get one last chance to say what I felt, to express how much he mattered to me, how my life would be empty without him. I didn’t say goodbye. He’s gone.

I felt this pang of remorse while watching Life of Pi, as Yann Martel, says, “It’s important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.” He feels abandoned by Richard Parker and recounts, “I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. That pain is like an axe that chops at my heart.”

These were my feelings for my bosom friend, a tree, who was chopped off from my life. It was a beautiful lone tree standing in far corner of the school play ground. I was drawn to that tree as iron gets attracted to magnet. Probably, it was an urge to have a companion that both of us lacked. I was passing through one of the worst phase of my life and trusted no human. It was then that this tree stood tall beside me and helped me unwind. I poured out my heart to him – day in and day out. He would get drenched with my tears but in return only soothed my aching heart with its vitality and vigour.

I grew so fond of him that I would feel incomplete without meeting him, not sharing a word. With every passing day our bond grew strong to an extent that even a touch would convey a lot of things. Slowly and steadily, I dropped words as a medium of communication. He would simply beckon me, imploringly, to fall in his arms and relax. His company provided me comfort which is inexplicable. After meeting him, when I returned to the world of human, I felt rejuvenated. I was bestowed with courage to stand against all odds and take my own course.  He would block any human interaction, while I was in his company. It was an affair which was brewing – a romantic one. An affair ordained to be immortal – perishing bodies could not hinder its growth.

Here again, like any other love story, destiny had different plans. One morning when I went to the play ground to meet him, I couldn’t find him. He was not there. Last evening he was chopped with an axe and what stood there were remains of his once slender strong body where I was protected, loved and pampered.  I was thunderstruck and frantically started looking around for him. I wanted to see him, hug him, one last time. Overwhelmed with emotion I fell on my knees and wept. I had so much to speak, so much to share and to simply tell him how much I loved him. He was a companion that I had been longing for. But no! Nature didn’t give me that chance.

Fifteen years hence, I still dream about him. I see him standing tall with open arms ready to embrace me and bring back the smile on my face. But it is only a dream. Open eyes remind me of the brutality and frailty of human lives and chops my heart with an axe which is filled with beautiful memories.


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