Awakening

What would she do without him! Her existence surrounded him. Not only her acts but also her thoughts were drawn towards him. She was obsessed with him. He was the anchor of her life. This was love for her. True love, as she would boast.

However, he had a different perspective of love. He wanted a companion not a dependant partner. He hated parasites. He wanted fulfilling, nourishing and nurturing love. For him love was the bond that would give you freedom to be individuals yet together.

She lacked individualism. All she wanted was him. He understood her love, but witnessed it slowly turn possessive thus, suffocating for him. The result was not unexpected. He withdrew. He failed to rekindle her life. She had turned a commoner with no streak of fire within her. She lost her passion to mundane routine. She was no longer a fighter; she succumbed.

One night she received a letter from him announcing his displeasure and discomfort from the present relationship. She stood stoned as tears swelled up in her eyes and trickled down her checks. She tried her best to convince him of her love, but her prayers fell on deaf ears. He moved on.

She staggered for years until her love became her driving force and her passion, a source of perpetual self-love. She started to learn to love herself – qualities, flaws, strengths, weaknesses – unravelled her characteristic traits and set on a path of self-identification. Her process involved taking a plunge into her mysterious self to understand its complexities.

Having summoned the courage to travel inward, she started descending the tiny stairs of the long staircase passing through a dark tunnel leading to the bottom of her heart. It was the first step to self-discovery. The journey was daunting. It demanded courage to face loneliness, failure, rejection, and short-comings. Only then one could reach the seamless flow of positivity that lights the inner recess of heart – the seat of all passion and emotion. The path was transcendence from superfluous hollow light to intense darkness culminating into ocean of soft, serene brightness.

Each step was welcomed by ever growing darkness. Butterflies fluttered inside her stomach and halted every step. She quivered; dreaded her frailty. At the same time, she was led like a child by an invisible force that wanted her to overcome her insecurities and failures. Passing through that strange heaviness and screeching silence that loomed in the tunnel she confronted her ailing self. She found herself in pain which originated from her desire, wishes and expectations. They controlled the person that was her.

Knowledge liberated her. Revelation blistered her. Wounds lay open. The struggle was over. She moved on. As she passed through, she could see a faint light at the end of the tunnel. The light appeared soft and soothing. She craved to reach it faster, to end her misery. But time would not budge. It appeared heavier than lead, prolonging her desolation. 

Finally, she came closer to the heavenly light. The light that was symbolic of purity, chastity, truthfulness, kindness, humanity, love, gratitude, happiness and peace. It had freed her from all the negative attributes that made her existence heavy. As they lay saddled by the vices that she gathered on growing up, she lost the touch and feel of purity. She forgot the taste of bliss.

On moving further, she stood at the end of the tunnel, flooded by heavenly light that blinded her. She felt like one with it. All her wounds healed and she was light as a feather. Freed from the clutches of wretchedness, she could fly. She was like a white bird with huge wings filled with air ready for flight. She was washed and cleansed to the core. She looked behind her, trying to locate the tunnel, but it was not there. It had vanished in the sublime light.  

She stood there like a new born babe, fresh in body and form, fed with a great message of life. It was a new beginning. Beginning of self-love! 

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