A Clinical Journal

It’s morning again! I can touch the soft rays of the sun with my closed eyelids. It’s fresh and warm. New morning breeze is giggling in my ears, moving from one side to the other, playing hide and seek. Someone has opened the window. Must be my mother. Air conditioner has been switched off. The room is filled with aroma of the morning air.

Last night I had disturbed sleep. I kept on hearing the footsteps of people walking here and there, sound of moving chairs and beds, voices of male and female, hushed and urgent. Yet, I feel refreshed. My face is bathing in the sun and my closed eyelids allowed brightness to seep in my brain. It’s illuminated.

I see myself in a garden amidst my childhood friends, running behind butterflies and chasing squirrels. My parents are sitting on the other side of the garden sipping their morning tea. They are young, beautiful and energetic. My father called out to me. I ran towards him. He got up from his chair rushed forward and threw me in air. My gleeful laughter ranted the place.  

We are going inside the house. My parents are holding my hands. It’s time for me to get ready for school. My mother is getting me ready while my father prepares breakfast for us and packs my lunch box. My snack comprises of my favourite goodies. I love him so much! Daddy drops me on the way to school. Soon I see my mother waiting outside the school gate to receive me. I run and hug her. How I missed her warmth! She embraced me tight and kissed my cheeks. I feel loved, pampered and blessed with such lovely parents.

Dad returns home in the evening with open arms. He also brought chocolates for me. My favourite ones! He loves to play with me. He always has time for me. We sit together for dinner. Mom had prepared a tasty meal that night. I kept on licking my fingers. Dad also appreciated the food.

It’s time to sleep now. I don’t want to fall asleep. I am restless. My parents don’t understand. I will never wake up again. I don’t want to sleep.

Alas! I have been sleeping from last 25 years with the same cassette being played by my mind every morning with sunrise. Lying dormant on the hospital bed my mind covers my sordid present with a blanket and cherishes the last living memory of my parents. It shuttles between past and present and has kept me alive.  

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